17 4 / 2012
All things New.
It overwhelms me..
..like something in me is opening up.
The feeling of having forgotten how much you’ve wanted and waited for something so badly..
The feeling of having given up hope..
Having let go of a dream you’ve been convinced will never come true…
And then suddenly a new possibility arises..and it might just come true..
At the eleventh hour..
Who knows.. You know.
Permalink 3 notes
04 2 / 2012
Jitters, man.
I’ll be going to this audition on Wednesday. Haay, apparently tita celeste may have seen something in that profile i sent her. I wonder if she still remembers me years ago with soulground. Tito Wyngard then was ready to get us. All we needed was submit a profile. And yes, nobody made one. Oh well. This audition on wednesday. Freestyle is looking for a new female vocalist.
I find it surprising how such a thing stirs up so much emotion in me. On one hand, i feel i won’t get the part anyway because i’m not really the “performer” type that showbands really require in a vocalist. But is the new freestyle going to be such a mainstream band? (i wonder). On the other hand, i worry that i might actually get the part-and i see that as major responsibility. Yes there is pressure for the next vocalist they introduce especially with how fans are so attached to Jinky and how Filipinos are very critical-destructively critical most of the time, based on “my” experience. But it’s not that i fear criticism at all but just the hassle of having to endure it. Like in my own mind I’d think “i don’t need all this trouble. I could be happy forever being an underground artist” But it’s not my will alone that matters anymore. God’s will. When someone you love but most of all loves you so dearly wants and calls you to undergo something you would rather not, the struggle gets worse.
My human self prefers to remain hidden and kind of detached from people and the big scene. But the Divine Will seems to be calling me out of my comfort zone to do what i feel is impossible.
Oh man.
I’m turning 27 in a few hours.
Grant me the courage and all grace oh God to whatever You ask of me.
I’ll just show up on Wednesday anyway, and if i don’t get the part at least i can promote my underground group with Gino and maybe tita Celeste would want us to be part of their fam. :p
Bow.
29 12 / 2011
Be Satisfied with Me.
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But to a Christian, God says, “No, not until you are satisfied,
Fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united to another
Until you are united with Me.
Exclusive of anyone or anything else.
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow Me to give you
The most thrilling plan existing … one you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.
Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.
Just wait, that’s all. Don’t be anxious, don’t worry
Don’t look around at things others have gotten
Or that I have given them
Don’t look around at the things you think you want,
Just keep looking off and away up to Me,
Or you’ll miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love
Far more wonderful than you could dream of.
You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready,
I am working even at this moment
To have both of you ready at the same time.
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
And the life I prepared for you,
You won’t be able to experience the love that exemplified your relationship with Me.
And this is perfect love.
And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me.
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly. I AM God.
Believe it and be satisfied.
Permalink 11 notes
