Pilgrim Soul

Pope Benedict’s Easter Message - Urbi et Orbi 2012

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Rome and throughout the world!

“Surrexit Christus, spes mea” – “Christ, my hope, has risen” (Easter Sequence).

May the jubilant voice of the Church reach all of you with the words which the ancient hymn puts on the lips of Mary Magdalene, the first to encounter the risen Jesus on Easter morning. She ran to the other disciples and breathlessly announced: “I have seen the Lord!” (Jn 20:18). We too, who have journeyed through the desert of Lent and the sorrowful days of the Passion, today raise the cry of victory: “He has risen! He has truly risen!”

Every Christian relives the experience of Mary Magdalene. It involves an encounter which changes our lives: the encounter with a unique Man who lets us experience all God’s goodness and truth, who frees us from evil not in a superficial and fleeting way, but sets us free radically, heals us completely and restores our dignity. This is why Mary Magdalene calls Jesus “my hope”: he was the one who allowed her to be reborn, who gave her a new future, a life of goodness and freedom from evil. “Christ my hope” means that all my yearnings for goodness find in him a real possibility of fulfilment: with him I can hope for a life that is good, full and eternal, for God himself has drawn near to us, even sharing our humanity.

But Mary Magdalene, like the other disciples, was to see Jesus rejected by the leaders of the people, arrested, scourged, condemned to death and crucified. It must have been unbearable to see Goodness in person subjected to human malice, truth derided by falsehood, mercy abused by vengeance. With Jesus’ death, the hope of all those who had put their trust in him seemed doomed. But that faith never completely failed: especially in the heart of the Virgin Mary, Jesus’ Mother, its flame burned even in the dark of night. In this world, hope can not avoid confronting the harshness of evil. It is not thwarted by the wall of death alone, but even more by the barbs of envy and pride, falsehood and violence. Jesus passed through this mortal mesh in order to open a path to the kingdom of life. For a moment Jesus seemed vanquished: darkness had invaded the land, the silence of God was complete, hope a seemingly empty word.

And lo, on the dawn of the day after the Sabbath, the tomb is found empty. Jesus then shows himself to Mary Magdalene, to the other women, to his disciples. Faith is born anew, more alive and strong than ever, now invincible since it is based on a decisive experience: “Death with life contended: combat strangely ended! Life’s own champion, slain, now lives to reign”. The signs of the resurrection testify to the victory of life over death, love over hatred, mercy over vengeance: “The tomb the living did enclose, I saw Christ’s glory as he rose! The angels there attesting, shroud with grave-clothes resting”.

Dear brothers and sisters! If Jesus is risen, then – and only then – has something truly new happened, something that changes the state of humanity and the world. Then he, Jesus, is someone in whom we can put absolute trust; we can put our trust not only in his message but in Jesus himself, for the Risen One does not belong to the past, but is present today, alive. Christ is hope and comfort in a particular way for those Christian communities suffering most for their faith on account of discrimination and persecution. And he is present as a force of hope through his Church, which is close to all human situations of suffering and injustice.

May the risen Christ grant hope to the Middle East and enable all the ethnic, cultural and religious groups in that region to work together to advance the common good and respect for human rights. Particularly in Syria, may there be an end to bloodshed and an immediate commitment to the path of respect, dialogue and reconciliation, as called for by the international community. May the many refugees from that country who are in need of humanitarian assistance find the acceptance and solidarity capable of relieving their dreadful sufferings. May the paschal victory encourage the Iraqi people to spare no effort in pursuing the path of stability and development. In the Holy Land, may Israelis and Palestinians courageously take up anew the peace process.

May the Lord, the victor over evil and death, sustain the Christian communities of the African continent; may he grant them hope in facing their difficulties, and make them peacemakers and agents of development in the societies to which they belong.

May the risen Jesus comfort the suffering populations of the Horn of Africa and favour their reconciliation; may he help the Great Lakes Region, Sudan and South Sudan, and grant their inhabitants the power of forgiveness. In Mali, now experiencing delicate political developments, may the glorious Christ grant peace and stability. To Nigeria, which in recent times has experienced savage terrorist attacks, may the joy of Easter grant the strength needed to take up anew the building of a society which is peaceful and respectful of the religious freedom of its citizens.

Happy Easter to all!

Life Possible.

I remember what struck me the most at mass..when I saw the huge Paschal Candle being lighted. It pierced something in me..made me realize what I had been feeling these past few months- like what remains of a candle, once fully lit, eventually melting into wax; Feeling useless..nonexistent..falling into despair.

I found myself in awe, just staring at this new Paschal candle.. 

“Could I be made whole again just like that..and that the hardened parts of my being, the lukewarmness of my heart be set on fire once again?”

Resurrection.

That is the Beauty of Resurrection. - The Impossible Happening.

From nothingness to existence.

Thank You Jesus.

You oh God are merciful love. A love that stoops down to nothingness to change nothingness to fire.

Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday.So much to ponder on that greeting itself. To me, it’s like welcoming another year of heartbreak..since that has always been a major component of my life’s story. I wonder how much of it will be very different this time.I had wanted to express so much emotion a few hours ago through words in my journal..but the colored tubes on my wooden table caught my attention instead. I guess the colors will somehow do for now.  

Path of uncertainty at 27. Towards the unknown. 

Even in the face of death, “faith can make possible what is humanly impossible.”

(Read more: http://www.ewtnnews.com/catholic-news/Vatican.php?id=4807#ixzz1lXDrCHOS)

Jitters, man.

I’ll be going to this audition on Wednesday. Haay, apparently tita celeste may have seen something in that profile i sent her. I wonder if she still remembers me years ago with soulground. Tito Wyngard then was ready to get us. All we needed was submit a profile. And yes, nobody made one. Oh well. This audition on wednesday. Freestyle is looking for a new female vocalist. 

I find it surprising how such a thing stirs up so much emotion in me. On one hand, i feel i won’t get the part anyway because i’m not really the “performer” type that showbands really require in a vocalist. But is the new freestyle going to be such a mainstream band? (i wonder). On the other hand, i worry that i might actually get the part-and i see that as major responsibility. Yes there is pressure for the next vocalist they introduce especially with how fans are so attached to Jinky and how Filipinos are very critical-destructively critical most of the time, based on “my” experience. But it’s not that i fear criticism at all but just the hassle of having to endure it. Like in my own mind I’d think “i don’t need all this trouble. I could be happy forever being an underground artist” But it’s not my will alone that matters anymore. God’s will. When someone you love but most of all loves you so dearly wants and calls you to undergo something you would rather not, the struggle gets worse.

My human self prefers to remain hidden and kind of detached from people and the big scene. But the Divine Will seems to be calling me out of my comfort zone to do what i feel is impossible.

Oh man.

I’m turning 27 in a few hours.

 Grant me the courage and all grace oh God to whatever You ask of me.


I’ll just show up on Wednesday anyway, and if i don’t get the part at least i can promote my underground group with Gino and maybe tita Celeste would want us to be part of their fam. :p

Bow. 

Numb.

(3:10 am earlier today.)There’s this thought that numbs me..how it would feel.. for a seemingly impossible thing to happen. For something you’ve given up hoping for and have stopped asking for suddenly right in front of you, yours for the receiving. For someone you have no longer believed to exist, wanting you. Turning a year older this weekend..it gets even more painful. By grace, i am more deeply in touch with the pain. I have learned how not to waste the pain. My  life will never be free of it but at least now i know how to use it.  I wonder how it would feel..to receive something..and realize only then that what is being given to you is what you’ve always wanted, longed for, lived for and would die even a thousand times for.

There are moments when the deepest of emotions bring me such fright. Just as someone who has been in the dark for so long a time..would suddenly feel scared of the light. Embarassed, it seeks only to hide itself from view. Yes it longs for the light but knows not how to receive it. It’s been in the shadows for so long that it knows not the experience of being gazed at and considered as beautiful. What is beauty?Maybe tomorrow this pain will lift and will forget the emotions i’ve had today.Maybe these desires will die down.

Past 2:00am nearing 3

So i was cleaning up my new room (my parents’ former bedroom). Yes, finally i have my own room after living on a couch for more or less three years since i gave up half of the other room i used to share with my sis. And i thought i would be leaving for omaha to become a hermit so i gave up my bed to my dear nephew David as well. Last December 2011, sis and her son moved out peacefully. Folks took the bigger room and now i have theirs. yey. Ok so i was fixing up some stuff and i found the oldest magazine i had ever laid eyes on. An 80’s volume of a local “Sound Music Magazine”. With Joey Albert on its cover. Hmm soi found an article with mama on it when she was still a singer.

I just copied some part to serve as my own remembrance online before this magazine completely disintegrates.

“Very few local talents can lay claim to being able to sing with a black texture in their voices…to being able to sing with soul whilemoving to the black rhythm. Images of Tina Turner, Diana Ross, Debra Laws come to mind. First as a member of the now defunct Touch Band from where Ric Segreto also came, then as a Cover Girl under the management of Wyngard Tracy, and finally, a solo singer.

Like most local talents, Cyril did not have formal vocal lessons. But she is grateful to have friends like Basil Valdez who have taught her the rudiments of singing, how to bring out the best in her.

Does she regret choosing a singing career over  a medical one? This BS Pre-Med and BS Psychology UST graduate apparently does not regret her choice.”

I enjoy hearing about stories of when ma used to sing. It gives me insight. And for her to be singing still even when she was 7 months pregnant with me, means a lot. Seven Months. 

It’s amazing how people, and even our immediate family in particular can seem so much the same and yet cannot be, really.

After 22 years of singing (started when i was four, so that’s 26 minus 4 years :p), i am very much convinced that i am not the singer that my mother is or used to be. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. She’s vocally more powerful than i am. I can go on and make a list of our differences, even our reasons for singing are not the same anymore (myself, growing because).

But it does amaze me how people can be so different and yet so connected more as we grow and move beyond things that formerly bonded us together..

I marvel at the thought of how two people can exist doing the same thing and yet with different motives and with different amount of love in their hearts.

I used to question myself and wonder if my singing is only because i want to be like mama or because of having been exposed to gigs from the womb that i ended up in this kind of life,  :p

But, no. Finally I am beginnning to see..

There’s more..

I find it amusing in this article how it mentioned that mama chose music over medicine. True. And it’s funny how we never know what’ll really happen. Because years later, she pursued her call to medicine- a different kind of music, ey.

The music never stopped, you know.

All this just makes me wonder about what’s next in my life’s story..

but um i just hope i don’t end up taking up medicine as well okay. Four years of Nursing is enough for me. 

But then again..

Dear God, Surprise me. :)

Be Satisfied with Me.

Freedom

As Etty was gradually deprived of external freedom, she discovered deep within a joy and inner freedom that no one could take away from her:

“This morning I cycled along the Station Quay enjoying the broad sweep of the sky at the edge of the city and breathing in the fresh, unrationed air.

And everywhere, there were signs barring Jews from the paths and the open country.

But above the one narrow path still left to us stretches the sky, intact.

They can’t do us any harm, they really can’t.

They can harass us, they can deprive us of our material goods, they can deny us freedom of movement.

But what will rob us of our strength are our negative attitudes: our feeling persecuted, humiliated and oppressed; our resentment; our defiance as we disguise our fears; etc. It is all but human and very understandable that we feel

bad about how they treat us. 

However, the greatest harm is that which we inflict upon ourselves. I find life beautiful and I feel free. The sky within me is as wide as the one stretching above me. I believe in God and I believe in man, and i say so unashamedly….I am a happy person and I hold life dear indeed, in this year of Our Lord 194, the umpteenth year of the war”

(Source: )