04 2 / 2012
Jitters, man.
I’ll be going to this audition on Wednesday. Haay, apparently tita celeste may have seen something in that profile i sent her. I wonder if she still remembers me years ago with soulground. Tito Wyngard then was ready to get us. All we needed was submit a profile. And yes, nobody made one. Oh well. This audition on wednesday. Freestyle is looking for a new female vocalist.
I find it surprising how such a thing stirs up so much emotion in me. On one hand, i feel i won’t get the part anyway because i’m not really the “performer” type that showbands really require in a vocalist. But is the new freestyle going to be such a mainstream band? (i wonder). On the other hand, i worry that i might actually get the part-and i see that as major responsibility. Yes there is pressure for the next vocalist they introduce especially with how fans are so attached to Jinky and how Filipinos are very critical-destructively critical most of the time, based on “my” experience. But it’s not that i fear criticism at all but just the hassle of having to endure it. Like in my own mind I’d think “i don’t need all this trouble. I could be happy forever being an underground artist” But it’s not my will alone that matters anymore. God’s will. When someone you love but most of all loves you so dearly wants and calls you to undergo something you would rather not, the struggle gets worse.
My human self prefers to remain hidden and kind of detached from people and the big scene. But the Divine Will seems to be calling me out of my comfort zone to do what i feel is impossible.
Oh man.
I’m turning 27 in a few hours.
Grant me the courage and all grace oh God to whatever You ask of me.
I’ll just show up on Wednesday anyway, and if i don’t get the part at least i can promote my underground group with Gino and maybe tita Celeste would want us to be part of their fam. :p
Bow.
