February 2012
33 posts
My new sounds:
http://www.desertheartcry.com/ →
Desert Heart Cry →
As we move through the desert of life, may the heart cry of Jesus that all of creation longs for, resound within and through us his Body and Bride that our Father’s face might be seen, his voice heard, his heart known.
be a voice … proclaim the name
3am Alive.
I’ve been doing gigs since 2003. Coming home late or should i say early in the morning, having been used to riding a cab on my own past 12mn even 3am onwards.But never did i experience such fear that i had earlier.I’ve never been to 19East on my own.Everything was fine until i got to Bicutan. from there, i took a cab. 9:30pm. 10pm was the call time they gave me. So i told the cab...
Familiar.
Last time i felt this way was towards the end of 2008. Everything seems familiar all of a sudden. I do things and find myself asking a few hours later, “why the heck did i just do that? what on earth was i thinking? Meryl, seriously now.” Another death. One shouldn’t really get stuck in the mourning. Every life and death has something to teach us. I look at this recent one.. and...
“To sing in one’s heart, to sing always and even more melodiously when
the...”
– St. Therese of Lisieux
“What are you looking for?”
Freedom (!)
A sudden rush of Grace!
I believe what I’d read before: “The free man has nothing to lose”.
I have always wondered about the contents of my “things i very much long for” list.
One of them: Freedom
Freedom from. and Freedom for.
To be Free from enslaving fear and be Free for love.
Not love sentimental as most would have in mind..but love in everything i do-in my...
Everything and Nothing.
“Everything means nothing If i ain’t got you.” No matter how sick and tired some of y’all must be of that line. It never fails to hunt me and to serve as help for constantly checking out where my soul is, has gone and still is going to.
I’ve seen the emptiness of all these things. None of it means anything without you in it. I’ve been dragging myself..in...
....
It numbs me. This realization that there still are areas within me where i keep you out. I have always known a different kind of solitude than that you have constantly been wanting me to follow. Alone with the alone, you are. I am not yet there. It brings me sorrow to find these hardened parts that only know how to run away from you and long to find solace in the dark. Meet me where i am, for i...
8 tags
Happy Birthday.
Happy Birthday.So much to ponder on that greeting itself. To me, it’s like welcoming another year of heartbreak..since that has always been a major component of my life’s story. I wonder how much of it will be very different this time.I had wanted to express so much emotion a few hours ago through words in my journal..but the colored tubes on my wooden table caught my attention...
Knock and it shall be opened.
Just when a door is seemingly about to open do i grab a hold of my neck (choke) and wonder “why the heck did i even have to knock in the first place!” Can I still run (?) or maybe dive into this pot to my right so when it opens I’ll disappear from view. Or just grant me the courage i need oh God to face whatever awaits me at the half-open door.
4 tags
Jitters, man.
I’ll be going to this audition on Wednesday. Haay, apparently tita celeste may have seen something in that profile i sent her. I wonder if she still remembers me years ago with soulground. Tito Wyngard then was ready to get us. All we needed was submit a profile. And yes, nobody made one. Oh well. This audition on wednesday. Freestyle is looking for a new female vocalist. I find it...
“On the one hand, I am drawn by love and on the other by fear. What torture! I...”
– Divine Mercy in My Soul
2 tags
Ugh.
Unfathomable how love can come from out of nowhere. How it is capable of bringing nothingness to existence.
But sometimes..we stick to what we have known, only because it is easier. More safe.
You have risked too much in the past, that you’d now rather sit on that stool facing the wall in the corner; be unharmed.
I see you and i become frightened.
Frightened by how much love is stirred...
5 tags
Numb.
(3:10 am earlier today.)There’s this thought that numbs me..how it would feel.. for a seemingly impossible thing to happen. For something you’ve given up hoping for and have stopped asking for suddenly right in front of you, yours for the receiving. For someone you have no longer believed to exist, wanting you. Turning a year older this weekend..it gets even more painful. By grace, i...
January 2012
23 posts
“Wait a while, sista, so that all things may arrange themselves more favourably....”
7 tags
“The days of suffering always seem longer, but they too will pass, though they...”
– Divine Mercy in My Soul; Page 230 #73
“Reprimands should always be seasoned with encouragement. The person is to be...”
– Divine Mercy in My Soul
6 tags
Past 2:00am nearing 3
So i was cleaning up my new room (my parents’ former bedroom). Yes, finally i have my own room after living on a couch for more or less three years since i gave up half of the other room i used to share with my sis. And i thought i would be leaving for omaha to become a hermit so i gave up my bed to my dear nephew David as well. Last December 2011, sis and her son moved out peacefully. Folks...
Pre-dinner Jitter
What’s to come. A hint of that fear of the unknown lingering in my mind since 5pm this afternoon. It’s 7:15pm now. This situation stirring up so much emotion within me. On the one hand, i feel worried about not getting what i somehow desire. But on the other hand, i am worried about actually getting it because that would mean greater responsibility on my part-A moving out into the...
“Disability and lack of money should not hinder anyone from discovering the...”
“My soul is full of longing for the secrets of the sea, and the heart of the...”
Music Heals. →
HA Overstreet shared the same view: “I have my own particular sorrows, loves, delights; and you have yours. But sorrow, gladness, yearning, hope, and love belong to all of us, in all times and in all places. Music is the only means whereby we feel these emotions in their universality.”
Around 3:15am earlier today.
This stabbing pain of emptiness. But maybe it isn’t really empty. But the feeling of being empty. Seeing the emptiness of things desired for what it really is. It is pain not because we have nothing but because we can’t see what we have and fail to understand the value behind everything that is being offered to us in the present moment; and how much of it is greater than what seems to...
maryakira asked: Were you on JMJ/WYD in Madri? Are you coming for the next one in Brasil? :D
Time of Fulfillment.
I haven’t said “No” to religious life. However, it seems for now that i am called to deny my preference of living the hermit contemplative life as i envisioned it. So it appears that i have gone back to the old life people have known me to live, but not exactly.. ..like seeing things in a new way..like arriving at an old place for the first time. everything..even i may look...
“As long as we live, we fight, and as long as we are fighting, that is a sign...”
– St Augustine (via catholic-inspiration)
Being Undone.
Being Undone. Like hanging in mid-air Unable to breathe. These past few days i have been feeling the urge to paint again. Images from the heart i would like to be constantly reminded of. It brings me back to those childhood years when i took painting lessons. I would always have a hard time copying the object in view and would always end up with an “abstract painting” as the...